"NGОI TRONG MNG"?
Ch gp chng trong mt cuc du ngon c c trm ngܩi tham d, ri hai ngܩi bt u mi lin lc. Sau vi ln i chi vi nhau, chng t ra l ngܩi lch thip, ho hoa, nhng lm sao ch hiu r ܮc chng?
Chng l k lun chy theo ngܩi p hay chng l ngܩi ng hong t t mun tnh chuyn lu di? Ch hoang mang, mun thm thnh, d la t kiu tc chi ca chng, ljn ngh nghip ca chng, ljn ni chn chng a ch i n, i chi. Mt ngܩi bn ca ti tm hiu cc thanh nin m ch quen bit qua kiu giy ca h v c nhng tin on khng sai.
Tuy nhin, ljn lc ch mun chn la mt ngܩi Nj dng hin trn ǩi mnh v st cnh chung i mi mi, tht l kh! Rt d lm ln! Hy nhn t l 50% ljn 60% cp v chng ly d trong thp nin va qua, ljn nhng ni au kh, bun ru ca cc c gi nng ni, nh d, vi v trao thn gi phn trܧc khi tm hiu bn tnh ca ngܩi m h ly lm chng. y l lc Nj trc gic v gic quan th su lm vic.
Bc s tm l Joyce Brothers khuyn chng ta nn t ǥt cu hi:
- Ti mun ci g?
- Mu ngܩi no ti c th sng chung sut ǩi?
Bc s Ruth Westheimer, nh tr liu tnh dc, th nhc nh cc thiu n: "Cc c c th c tip tc m ܧc, nhng nh l nn m mng vi hai chn ng vng vng trn mt t." B nhn mnh s quan trng ca thc t, ng m tܪng chuyn ho huyn "ly bin v tri" thay ǰi ton din c tnh ca chng.
Ti sao ch khng bt u bng cch xc nh nhng bn tnh no kh thay ǰi, khng ci ha ܮc. Nu ch l ngܩi a thch d hi, tic tng, m ng n din chi chut, nhng chng trai ch mi quen v c cm tnh kh nhiu th chng bao gi ri b tp lu hoang d trong rng min ho lnh c, th d on l: Chng thc s khng hp vi ch u! iu cn nh l dung ha gia quan nim: "Nhng g ch thy l nhng g ch s c" v "ܧc vng": Vi vic ci ha sinh hot, sa ǰi thi quen, c gng lm p lng ngܩi yu, chng s tr nn mt ngܩi khc hn, ton thin. Nu ch hy vng sa ǰi ton b con ngܩi chng, tc l ch t "chuc ha" vo thn ri!
V dܧi y l MОI IU D ON TRUNG NHN.
Danh sch 10 im lit k dܧi y chng phi l bn tܩng trnh ch xc Nj tm mt "bn lng" hon ho cho ǩi ch. y ch l mt cht gp nht nhng g cc nh chuyn mn nhn chng hc chn lc ra t kinh nghim bao nhiu nm ca h. Ch hy džc k bi ny ri suy i ngh li. Th tm hiu bn trai ca ch qua t cch ca chng trong hin ti v trong qu kh. Cui cng hy duyt xt trong 10 iu k sau, im no c nhn ch c sn.
TNH TNH
Theo kin ca tr liu gia v tm thn Mildred Newman v tin s Bermard Berkowitz, ng tc gi cun sch How To Be Your Own Best Friend (Lm sao Nj thnh ngܩi bn tt ca chnh mnh) th tnh kh l iu quan trng hng u, nhng li kh tm hiu nht. Hai ng ny khuyn cc c nn tm ni chng cc c tnh tt m cc c bit qua cc ngܩi bn tt m cc c tng quen bit: nh l tnh trung thnh, ngay thng, ng tin cy, t t, tht th. bo m s an ton cho sinh mng v sc khe ca ch, ch nn gt ra ngoi anh chng no c tnh v phu, th bo, nghin ngp, rܮu ch, hoc chuyn mn tn gi. Hy gii thiu bn trai ca ch vi b con, bn b l nhng ngܩi m ch tin cy Nj xt on chng ra sao.
TNH BN B
Hy tm mt ngܩi bn, mt ngui c th chia x cc s thch cng nh cc mi quan tm ca ch. Theo li tin s Clarissa Pinkola Estes, tc gi cun Women Who Run With Theo Wolves (Nhng ngܩi n b chy theo cc con ch si) th "Ngܩi bn l ngܩi s m rng tm mt cho ch thay v rng buc g b ch, nhng nu bn khng iu khin ch m cng chng ngn cn ch sng theo thch ca ch"
GI TR
Hai ngܩi khng cn phi c cng mt quan nim v cc iu qu gi trong ǩi, ch cn ng trn mt s im ct yu l ܮc nh: Tiu xi tin bc th no? C nn sinh khng? Nu c con ci th nui dy chng ra sao? Hai ngܩi s theo o no? Mi lin lc vi gia nh chng hoc v s khn kht hay cch xa?
Nu lc ban u ch v chng bt ng kin th nn tm cch to ra mt min trung lp, dung ha m c hai ngܩi c th chp nhn.
TNH DC
Ch c th thch ngm thn th trng kin ca chng, mi thm ca thuc co ru chng hay dng, hoc cch chng u ym mn trn ch. Nu l giai on khi u trn ܩng di Tnh i ch cha tin ljn giai on "n tri cm" theo ng phong tc ng c truyn, ch c th tin on l vic i n s thch th lm. Tuy nhin, nn thn trng! Tnh dc khng phi l yu t quyt nh cn bn trong cuc sng chung u! c bit l ch d c cm tnh vi cc thanh nin b ngoi th lnh lng t ni nhng li nng bng nng nn khi ch ring hai a trong phng thi. Hy c gng duy tr tnh bn b mt thi gian kh lu, iu ny rt qu gi. Ch trܧc ht cn mt ngܩi Nj tm s, chia x bun vui, v gi kin trong cc vic quan trng ca ǩi sng.
LNG T T
Chng c biu l lng t t bng nhiu cch n gin, nh l mang ljn cho ch mt tch tr nng Nj ung thuc lc ch au u, gip em qun o ljn tim git i kh cho ch, hoc nu chng ha s gi in thoi sau ln gp nhau th chng s gi ng li ha.
Theo b Judith Martin, tm l gia, th thi Ƕ t t, sn sc nh nht y chng t rng chng quan tm ljn ngܩi khc khng ch ngh ljn mnh.
TNH A BNG A
Ngܩi thanh nin c th t ch giu mnh v lun ni bng a ngay c lc i din vi nghch cnh tai ng l mt kho tng qu gi. Chng bn lnh Nj ng u vi mi th thch trong ǩi.
Tin s Jean Houston, tc gi cun sch The Search For The Beloved (Trn ܩng i tm ngܩi yu) cho rng tnh a bng a l im ct yu trong cuc hn nhn 30 nm hnh phc ca b. B Houston ni: "Chng ta nn khen ngi nhng nghch l, cc iu phi l, bi v chng ta khng th on trܧc ܮc tng lai. Nu ch mun cho c Cha Tri cܩi th hy ni tht vi Ngi v d tnh ca ch."
KH NNG THNG CM:
Khi no chng gin di chng s ni ra ch khng ng sp ca tht mnh, hoc ngi l sut ngy coi ti vi, hoc li tr s. Chng hiu r cm xc ca chnh mnh v th l ra bng li ni.
Tm l gia Judith Martin tuyn b rt khn kho cu ny: "Ti khng hiu v sao c nhiu ngܩi cho rng hn nhn l c hi Nj cho hai ngܩi sng chung vi nhau, h lun quan st theo di nhau v ph phn nhau Nj sa ǰi ci thin ngܩi kia?"
Chng cng cn bit lng nghe na. Bc s Jean Baker Miller, tc gi cun sch Toward A New Psychology Of Women (Bn v khoa tm l hc mi ca ph n) ni: hy xem cch chng dn xp nhng v bt ng kin vi ngܩi khc ra sao? Chng c hay khin trch h khng? Hay l chng yn lng hnh Ƕng?
S THN MT
Chng c biu l nhng hy vng cng nh cc ni lo u ca chng chng? Mt thanh nin nhiu nam tnh thch ngܩi khc ngh rng chng khng cn ai gip ǫ c, chng chng thiu thn th g ht. Tuy nhin, mt chng trai bit th nhn rng chng cn s sn sc u ym ca ch, cn ch h tr tinh thn chng, th ch d ljn gn, d thn thin vi chng hn.
S GN B, RNG BUC
y ch khng bn ljn cuc i chi chiu th by. Ch bn khon khng bit chng c gi ܮc khong cch gia hai a khng? Vy th hy nhn li nhng cng lao chng b ra trong sut thi gian quen bit ch. Chng c tham d nhng cuc hi hp ca gia nh ch khng? C theo ch i ngh h khng? Chng c gip ch sn li apartment khng? Hay l ch c cm tܪng chng lun ng ngoi l mi sinh hot ca ǩi ch? V chng hnh Ƕng ra sao trong qu kh?
Tm l gia Harriet Lerner, tc gi cun sch The Dance Of Deception (Cuc khiu v ca s la gt) khuyn ch nn hi chng v cc mi lin h tnh cm trܧc kia. Chng c bit v sao cc mi tnh y b gy ǰ khng?
S KNH TRNG
Nu chng khng tn trng bn thn mnh th chng s chng n nang g ch u. V s knh trng khng phi l iu c th thng lܮng ܮc. Khi chng coi trng cc cm xc ca ch, cc mc tiu ch hoch nh, hoc cc im u tin ca ch, chng s khng hn gin thi gian ch xa chng Nj thc hin cc k hoch ca ch hoc tip xc vi bn b ca ch. Chng s khng lun lun mun mi vic phi chiu theo chng.
Tm l gia Penelope, tc gi cun sch When I Going To Be Happy (Lc no ti s ܮc hnh phc) a ra 3 im chnh l biu hin ca lng t trng:
- Chng nhn thng vo mt ch
- Chng hay vui v bng a
- Chng khng bi quan tuyt vng
Ni tm li, chng c quy lut no ch xc Nj tm hiu ngܩi tnh c. Con cc ca c ny c th tr thnh hong t ca c kia. Tnh yu ph nhn s un nn theo bt c mt phng trnh no.
Nu c iu g m Thin Nhin th ght hn ci my ht bi, l vic khim khuyt s khc bit. Ch hy tܪng tܮng cuc ǩi ny s bun nn bit bao nhiu nu mi c thiu n NJu tun theo mt s quy lut ging nhau khi la chn ngܩi yu.
TIN VO V P CA MNH
Bn thܩng cho rng nhng ngܩi khc lun ch vo khim khuyt ca bn v vy bn t ra thiu t tin. Nhng thc ra ngܩi ngoi khng h ch nhiu ljn khim khuyt nh bn ngh u. Nhng g m h thc s quan tm l ton b hnh nh ca bn. c ܮc v b ngoi va , bn cn tn trng nhng g m bn hin c. Ci ng gy ch l ci dng v v thi Ƕ ca bn ch khng phi l nhng nt ring r. Do vy, bn hy bt u k hoch t ci tin v p ca mnh trn c s . V bn tm "tn hiu" bn b Nj t iu chnh. Khi bn khng t tin vo v p ca mnh, bn c xu hܧng t ph phn v coi thܩng nhng li ngܩi khc khen tng bn. Bn hy thc hin 10 cch sau u:
1. Lun gi mi tc gn gh, mܮt m
2. Lun ct sa mng tay
3. Chn loi du gi u ph hp Nj gi sc tc ng
4. Cn c ch Ƕ chm sc ln da
5. Trang im nh nhng mi khi ra khi nh
6. Dng nܧc thm hng ngy
7. Bt u thc hin vic tp th dc mi sng
8. nh rng ti v sng kt hp vi vic thܩng xuyn ljn kim tra rng bc s nha khoa
9. n thc n c li cho sc khe
10. Ng y gic
Bng nhng iu gi trn, chng ti hy vng rng bn s tm ܮc mt trung nhn va .
(Trch t tc phm Cha Kha M Ca Hnh Phc Gia nh ca L Mng Hong).